Out of silence
Comes not silence. Or something.
It's been a while since I felt able to communicate publicly. It's amazing what 30 years of habit can do. Like fix the association of marking & smoking so that one simply doesn't happen without the other. Quite scary to register the extent of chemical dependency.
I think I'm winning, though.
Alan put it quite succinctly: "You have an alternative. You can carry on smoking. And kill me."
Not subtle, but probably true.
So, to stop being cryptic:
Midnight 22/23 May 2006: Alan had a "significant" heart attack. I'm never going to forget those moments of watching him flake out on the bathroom floor, drenched in vomit, or mumbling semi-consciously in the ambulance, as the paramedics noted his "not detectable" blood pressure.
The family rallied round, then gradually dispersed again, back to their own lives. I've tried to pick up the threads. Torn between the profound & the trivial. Struggling over nicotine addiction is so selfish & petty in the face of potentially fatal atherosclerosis.
sounxte ftgkgjfjearhhhyyhhyhy,#yes. orsieky.l
It's been a while since I felt able to communicate publicly. It's amazing what 30 years of habit can do. Like fix the association of marking & smoking so that one simply doesn't happen without the other. Quite scary to register the extent of chemical dependency.
I think I'm winning, though.
Alan put it quite succinctly: "You have an alternative. You can carry on smoking. And kill me."
Not subtle, but probably true.
So, to stop being cryptic:
Midnight 22/23 May 2006: Alan had a "significant" heart attack. I'm never going to forget those moments of watching him flake out on the bathroom floor, drenched in vomit, or mumbling semi-consciously in the ambulance, as the paramedics noted his "not detectable" blood pressure.
The family rallied round, then gradually dispersed again, back to their own lives. I've tried to pick up the threads. Torn between the profound & the trivial. Struggling over nicotine addiction is so selfish & petty in the face of potentially fatal atherosclerosis.
sounxte ftgkgjfjearhhhyyhhyhy,#yes. orsieky.l
posted by bluefluff @ 4:25 AM
6 Comments:
At 01 June, 2006 08:03,
methel said…
with you in spirit, wishing you and yours all the very best - we shall overcome ;-)
At 01 June, 2006 08:36,
pal said…
{{{{{{{{Lynne}}}}}}}}}}
Big, big hugs.
At 01 June, 2006 11:09,
kat said…
And big hugs from me too.
At 02 June, 2006 08:35,
Rob said…
Best wishes to you Lynne. You know giving up makes sense...
It took a similar event (my father discovering he had lung cancer) to stop my mother smoking. They are both still going strong, aged 80 and 78. Be positive, and best regards to you and yours.
No idea what your last line means, though...
At 04 June, 2006 01:58,
bluefluff said…
Everyone - thanks for hugs & mailbox messages.
Rob - nor did my spellchecker & I didn't care enough to argue with it.
At 05 June, 2006 09:20,
Buggles Balham High Road said…
Thinking of you Lynne.
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