bluefluff's blue fluff

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Out of silence

Comes not silence. Or something.
It's been a while since I felt able to communicate publicly. It's amazing what 30 years of habit can do. Like fix the association of marking & smoking so that one simply doesn't happen without the other. Quite scary to register the extent of chemical dependency.
I think I'm winning, though.
Alan put it quite succinctly: "You have an alternative. You can carry on smoking. And kill me."
Not subtle, but probably true.
So, to stop being cryptic:
Midnight 22/23 May 2006: Alan had a "significant" heart attack. I'm never going to forget those moments of watching him flake out on the bathroom floor, drenched in vomit, or mumbling semi-consciously in the ambulance, as the paramedics noted his "not detectable" blood pressure.
The family rallied round, then gradually dispersed again, back to their own lives. I've tried to pick up the threads. Torn between the profound & the trivial. Struggling over nicotine addiction is so selfish & petty in the face of potentially fatal atherosclerosis.
sounxte ftgkgjfjearhhhyyhhyhy,#yes. orsieky.l


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